First of all, let me apologize for ghosting on you guys! I managed to write this article in bits over a month! Phew!! Yes, that is Motherhood. Well, this is my first Mother’s Day and my husband asked me, “ what do you want on your first Mother’s day darling”! (Yes, he asks me straight away because I’ve been disapproving of his choices of ‘Surprise gifts’ since 2007; and he’s a man so stepping up his gifting game is not his forte, to be honest) His question got me thinking what I really want on my first Mother’s Day.. but then my mind got diverted and started strolling through the memory lane! The moment we found out we’re pregnant there was a chaos of feelings: happiness, dismay, worry, joy, responsibility!
I was cautious and careful of the littlest choice I made! Still, unfortunately, I had to go through the very discouraging, daunting and irritating process of Gestational Diabetes treatment during pregnancy! I felt the lowest, irritation became my second nature but somehow I managed to stay afloat. I believe Walking, Prenatal Yoga, and Garbhasanskara played a pivotal role keeping me sane through this roughest period. And finally, the day arrived… I was positive, zealous (in fact, over-zealous according to my nurse Nicola who caught me either squatting, walking or doing yoga in another room all the time and not resting on my bed)
And thanks to all that, the contractions picked up so they moved me to the birthing suite; which was a little intimidating as I could listen to other women screaming their lungs out from other birthing suites. Well, from my suite one could hear nothing; but a little ‘aaah’ and then exhalation from the mouth. So the nurses looked confused as I opted for ‘No Epidural’ (No Contraction pain-relief option) they had to ask me if I was in pain at all.. if I was feeling the contractions.. since the CTG scan showed that contractions were at their peak so, I had to tell them yes I feel excruciating pain but not expressing pain but everything else has always been my thing. And sorry that I’m a little weird! Finally, they were at ease that everything is normal! Well, little did they know, ‘Sonal Bhavsar-Joshi is everything but normal’ And so is my daughter Mishri Joshi. It was 10:00 p.m already; she didn’t want to postpone but jump out right on her due date.. so, she pooped in there. Hence, the doctor insisted on an emergency C-Section to prevent any infection to me or Mishri. I had to throw my Birth-plan out of the window which said ‘NO MEDICAL INTERVENTION’, ‘NO EPIDURAL’, ‘NO C-SECTION’, Let everything be as natural as possible’. Well, after I was rushed to the OT, I had to go through everything I chose to not to. I knew right there and then ‘Motherhood doesn’t come with manual indeed’! But as it’s said, “all well that ends well’ Mishri came out being the ‘happy baby’ that I trained her for throughout those 9 months (she cried exactly for 2 seconds and stopped) However the greatest regret of all for me was, after going through all these…she wasn’t handed over to me right after birth but to her dad instead.
Anyways let me concentrate on the question my husband asked me… ‘What I want on my first Mother’s Day’!
To start with…
As a new Mum, I want..
✨‘Least Judgments and more Positive Vibes’✨
Moms get judged for almost every little choice they make during motherhood. A mother is judged by almost everyone even the stranger she crosses path with at an intersection. And the irony is most of the time these judgments come from other mothers.
Regardless of what you choose…You will get judged right from pregnancy to the last minute you breathe as a mother: From what you eat during pregnancy to whether you had a C Section or Vaginal delivery! Whether you use a cloth nappy or disposable one, whether you breastfeed in public or formula feed , whether you use baby carrier or carry the baby yourself, whether you dress your baby up or don’t dress up, whether you give the baby pacifier or choose the ‘cry it out’ method, whether you’re a working mom or a stay at home mum, whether you support your kid in his/her career choice or let him/her be on her own.
The saddest thing of all is, these choices are the criterion of how good a mother you are! Trust me it doesn’t matter whether the baby came out from your vagina or tummy! The truth is the second you gave birth you became this freaking bada** woman and no one can make you feel less of a mother! Trust me, mama, you’ve got this!
Next thing I want this Mother’s Day is for the people to:
✨‘Stop Glorifying ‘Diaper Changing Dads’✨
Glorifying a dad who is just being a dad, a parent is as sexist as workplace discrimination for females. Urghh it irritates me to the core when I hear, “Awww! He changes the diapers too! he’s so helpful!” I tell them, “ he ‘helped’ me conceive Mishri in the first place, so it makes Mishri his daughter too. At least he didn’t have to go through the 9 months of nausea, discomfort, insomnia and internal football matches!”
Parenthood is a joint venture. Whatever the dad is doing he is not ‘helping out’; he’s just being a father, a parent, a partner just like the mother! It’s a 50-50 share of both joy and responsibilities. So, please stop painting ‘dads being dads’ as heroes… let them be just dads!
Next thing I want on Mother’s Day is to answer this question I’m asked frequently as a new mum
✨‘You Must Be Free At Home Right?’✨
Oh yes! The baby cleans her own s**. I’m just sitting and observing if she’s doing it the right way.
I just cook for myself & hubby! My pro-baby prepares her own food every 2.5 hours and eats herself; I just make sure she doesn’t choke.
She bathes herself, dries herself and even massages herself.. So talented aie?
The baby goes out to play football, goes to swimming and dancing. Who needs a mum to play with?
Oh and she even drives to doctor for her appointments, goes grocery shopping, she reads herself a bedtime story too and sleeps on her own; uninterrupted, the whole night just like us big people (miracle right? )
On the top, she loves to be an audience, to keep me company and support me while I’m peeing! How cute ❣️
And well, lemme do a big revelation while I’m at it!
I HAVE CLONES 🤫 Yes, I have a couple of clones of mine… One of them operates my business and another follows my passion, Theatre! I just Netflix & Chill 👸You see how privileged I am 💁🏽♀️
And last but not least I want something for my daughter this mother’s day!
✨I want my daughter to Be a Proud and Confident woman one day!✨
I want her to be unapologetically herself. I want her to follow her passion fiercely. I want her to believe that she can have the best of both the worlds. She doesn’t have to give up anything, sacrifice anything in order to become an ‘ideal woman’ in the eyes of others. A happy woman is more beautiful than a woman who sacrifices/stops being herself. All in all, I just want my 9 months of Garbhasanskar recitation to come to fruition.
On this special occasion of Mother’s Day, I wish all the mothers or fathers (who play/ed dual roles; like my dad) a Supahappy Mother’s Day coz “There ain’t no hood like Motherhood”